yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
