You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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