Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
