I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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