I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
me + whiskey = a bad person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize