nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
