The maid of honor just puked.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
