420 ftw
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I will die if light touches me.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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