I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
