The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
