I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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