About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
