please come you make the beer taste better
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
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There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
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These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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