Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
