Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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