Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
