I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
