Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
