drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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