It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize