Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
