I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
