Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
