idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
