suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
