I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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