After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
