Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
