lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
