We won't sleep together?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
