They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
