Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
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Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
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In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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