Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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