We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
