Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
