I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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