oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
