She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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