i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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