btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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