What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
