shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
