fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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