guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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