if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize