Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
