lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
