I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
