you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
