I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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