i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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