I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
