so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize