It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Randomize
