i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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