my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
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Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
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You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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