I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize