I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Randomize
