Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
