I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
