I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
