Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
