It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
