so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
