i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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