You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
