So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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