can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I am one with the molecules
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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