...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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