im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
