I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
