She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
